Nathan R. Jessup

You Might Be A Terrorist If…

In America, funny, Muslims, Obama, terrorism, War on March 8, 2010 at 7:11 pm

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.

3. You have more wives than teeth.

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

10. You’ve always had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

11. Your cousin is president of the United States

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  1. Are you serious? The reason that “terrorists” refine heroin is because the good ole’ USA sucks it up like Fonzie sucked up milk shakes. Do you really believe that every person that takes up arms against an illegal occupation is a rube? The major difference between the insurgency and the soldier seems to be that the insurgents fight for principles rather than paychecks. You’re in another mans country fighting a war of questionable moral value and the best thing you can think to say about the people that shoot back is that they’re the Middle Eastern equivalent of the Southern redneck? I guess that just hits a little too close to home, huh? You know what this whole post sounds like? Self-hatred in reverse. I appreciate that you’re angry but they have some real grievances too.

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